NYHUUGGEE!

Tag: short-story

  • Do Ya?

    We all grew up in this Queens neighborhood back in the 1960’s and like most young teenagers in New York City neighborhoods, we all had something smart to say.  Smart, as in wise cracks, friendly insults and sometimes genuine insight into the human condition.  Things like “the hardest part about doing nothing is you never know when you’re finished” or an actual situation.  A  a guy came into one of our Luncheonettes at closing.  Pulled out a gun.  Put it in the face of the kid working the counter that night Tommy Hsu and said.  “Give me the money.”  Tommy calmly put his index finger on the gun barrel guided it towards the owner Willie Bly and said.  “Point it at him.  He owns the place.”

    You get the picture?

    Well there was one guy Ed Khammer, nice guy, good ballplayer.  He was also a great ice skater and hockey player.  But not a guy who could come up with wise cracks on the spot.  I think he and his family had come to New York from some place way out in Pennsylvania or maybe Ohio even.  So when everyone would be on the corner cracking wise, Ed really couldn’t join in.  But he did have this one thing he would say and he would say it at the most opportune moment and it was.  “Ya don’t know, do ya’?”  And that could be real funny, so Ed would see everyone laughing and a happy, little smile would form at the corners of his mouth.  He’d found his place on the corner.  So much so, that his little smile would come out just before he’d invoke.  “Ya don’t know do ya?”

    We are reminded of Ed because we watch all the Talking Heads, the Know It All’s and The Cognoscenti Of The Known World discuss the current kerfuffle in Iran. And they all do it in their usual fashion, with authoritative and dramatic voices, that makes it seem as if they have it all figured out.  And doing this in spite of the fact or facts, that they have been wrong more times in the past, than anyone could count.  Just check their previous exhortations and of course their polls.  But they are undaunted by previous errors, as they drone on about whatever the current situation is, and they do this without inhaling too much.  But when they do manage to stop, to take a breath, we wish Ed Khammer was there to give that little smile and say.  “Ya don’t know do ya?”

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  • To The Shores Of Tripoli

    On April 27th 1805, seven U.S. Marines and about 90 of Hamet Karmanli’s guys, led by Lieutenant Presley O’Bannon captured Derna in the then Regency of Tripoli, modern day Lybia.  It was the first time the U.S. flag was raised on foreign soil.  That’s where the line “to the shores of Tripoli” comes from in the Marie Corps Hymn.  Lieutenant O’Bannon and the U.S. Navy had been sent their by then President Thomas Jefferson to do battle with the Barbary Pirates in what is known as the First Barbary Pirates War.  

    Now this does not exactly equate to pulling Maduro out of his bed and flying him back to New York in a few hours.  We didn’t have helicopters back in 1805, or F-35’s, Aircraft Carriers and C-47’s, so it was quite a trip to Tripoli and back.  But it just goes to show that despite all the screaming from some in the Mass Hysteria, there isn’t anything entirely new with the Maduro intervention.

    And we could have used the word capture instead of intervention here.  Or we could have used operation or arrest.  But we went with intervention, as it sounds like those situations where a few friends get together to try and stop someone from doing drugs.  And the intervention of Maduro, will stop him from the selling drugs.  We don’t know if he uses but if he does, it will stop that too.

    What were the Barbary Pirates doing?  Well they were interfering with international trade, seizing ships, taking hostages and demanding bribes.  Things gangs do that screw up a lot of people’s lives and cost a lot of people, a lot of money.  Does any of this sound familiar?

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    Pro Bono Publico

  • The Needy

    62 year old Celebrity Chef Valentino Lucin robbed three banks in one day!  Thus breaking the Dalton Gang’s record of two banks in one day.  But better than the Daltons’ back in Coffeyville Kansas in 1892, the 62 year old Chef did not get all shot up.  He even got to hold onto the money for a while, till the Police tracked him down.  Why would he do this?  Well his big restaurant went bust, he went chapter 11 and then he couldn’t make the payments.  What do you do when you need a mortgage or a loan?  You go to a bank because that’s where the money is.  What if you’ve gone bankrupt and your credit score is like 399?  You got no credit.  You can’t borrow.  So now you know why the 62 year old Celebrity Chef, robbed the three banks.  He needed the money.

    Just in case you’re wondering what happened to the Daltons, well two of the brothers along with two of their cohorts were killed at the scene.  The last Dalton, Emmett got all shot up too.  But he survived his wounds, did his time and went on to be a early day Hollyweird Screenwriter.  Hooray for Hollyweird!

    And a Florida Nurse Alexis Von Yates was sentenced to two years in prison for having sex with her 15 year old stepson.  She and her stepson were watching a horror movie and they got scared.  Next thing they knew they were clutching each other.  Von Yates then explained to her stepson that she hadn’t had sex in two weeks and she was horny.  She also thought her husband who was at work wouldn’t be back till morning.  But the husband came home early and caught them in flagrante delicto.  The boy ran out of the room with his pants around his ankles.  Von Yates tried to cover herself but the deed was done.  She knew it was wrong, so she took the plea deal and got the two years.

    Now you may ask why would someone do something like this?  It’s beyond stupid.  The kid is 15 how is he going to keep his mouth shut?  Not to mention that by any standard, it’s immoral, illegal, incestuous, unconscionable.  So why?  Why?  But then Von Yates explained it best.  She was needy.

    Now we save prayer for really serious things but this is starting to get real serious and fast.  As we head into the NFL’s third week, both the New York Giants and the New York Jets are 0 and 2.  The Giants are facing the Chiefs who are also 0 and 2.  The odds of the Chiefs going 0 and 3 are not good.  The Jets are facing the Buccaneers and the Buccaneers are 2 and 0.  That’s not good either.  So like we said maybe praying is a little too strong.  Maybe hopes or well wishes?  No, 0 and 3 is too ugly to bear.  Let’s us pray.  Like it says at the top here.  This is about the needy.

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    Pro Bono Publico