NYHUUGGEE!

Tag: love

  • Don’t

    Yeah, yeah we know there is a war going on but it’s just blah, blah, blah everyday with whoever you happen to tune into saying the same old, same old.  Like they know what’s going on.  Now we’ve put our military hats on and we know what’s going on but we’ll wait till the smoke clears before we give our analysis.  

    And there are other things happening in this world.  Take those commercials that jump out of you whenever you’re watching something on Youtube and usually just when something got real interesting.  Sometimes right in the middle of a word. 

    Hey we’re not complaining.  We have to log onto a lot of sites and we just don’t want to pay the few bucks that will make the advertisements go away, so tough noogies on us.  But we can’t help but wonder which one of these dumb ass commercials are the worst.  We even have categories.

    The One That Can’t Possibly Be True.  There is this little box, designed by former NASA engineers that will cool any room in 90 seconds.  Any room?  You mean like St. Patrick’s Cathedral?  Cost?  19.99? 29.99?  Doesn’t matter you can buy a fan for less which is what this thing will turn out to be.

    Don’t Try This At Home.  A middle aged guy comes on and tells you.  ” Forget Viagra!  Don’t waste your money on those pills!  I’m going to tell you how to get rock hard for hours!  Just get some Vick’s Vapor Rub and…”  Not only don’t try this at home but hit the that skip button real fast.  Before you even think of it.

    It Won’t Work But It Can’t Hurt.  It’s a little drawing that shows a woman drinking a glass of water.  Then a nice soothing voice comes on and says.  “Drink a glass of warm water before you go to bed and your vision will improve overnight.”  And when that doesn’t work don’t worry, as there are commercials that will tell you how they got something to stop you from getting up to pee three and four times a night.

    Okay, okay there is a war going on and try not to get too stressed out.  Remember the terrorists have won.  The Russians are this fearsome military power, that will over run Ukraine in a few weeks.  Global warming which was later changed to Climate Change, will cause the seas to rise, and the Polar Ice Caps to melt by the year 2000.

    Dicens simle factum est

    Pro Bono Publico

  • Do Ya?

    We all grew up in this Queens neighborhood back in the 1960’s and like most young teenagers in New York City neighborhoods, we all had something smart to say.  Smart, as in wise cracks, friendly insults and sometimes genuine insight into the human condition.  Things like “the hardest part about doing nothing is you never know when you’re finished” or an actual situation.  A  a guy came into one of our Luncheonettes at closing.  Pulled out a gun.  Put it in the face of the kid working the counter that night Tommy Hsu and said.  “Give me the money.”  Tommy calmly put his index finger on the gun barrel guided it towards the owner Willie Bly and said.  “Point it at him.  He owns the place.”

    You get the picture?

    Well there was one guy Ed Khammer, nice guy, good ballplayer.  He was also a great ice skater and hockey player.  But not a guy who could come up with wise cracks on the spot.  I think he and his family had come to New York from some place way out in Pennsylvania or maybe Ohio even.  So when everyone would be on the corner cracking wise, Ed really couldn’t join in.  But he did have this one thing he would say and he would say it at the most opportune moment and it was.  “Ya don’t know, do ya’?”  And that could be real funny, so Ed would see everyone laughing and a happy, little smile would form at the corners of his mouth.  He’d found his place on the corner.  So much so, that his little smile would come out just before he’d invoke.  “Ya don’t know do ya?”

    We are reminded of Ed because we watch all the Talking Heads, the Know It All’s and The Cognoscenti Of The Known World discuss the current kerfuffle in Iran. And they all do it in their usual fashion, with authoritative and dramatic voices, that makes it seem as if they have it all figured out.  And doing this in spite of the fact or facts, that they have been wrong more times in the past, than anyone could count.  Just check their previous exhortations and of course their polls.  But they are undaunted by previous errors, as they drone on about whatever the current situation is, and they do this without inhaling too much.  But when they do manage to stop, to take a breath, we wish Ed Khammer was there to give that little smile and say.  “Ya don’t know do ya?”

    Dicens simile factum est

    Pro Bono Publico