NYHUUGGEE!

Tag: life

  • Mommy Can We Keep The Cat?

    As the Late News media enters its last decade, let us return to yesteryear…

    It is 1957 and an article appears in the Long Island Press about a cat caught in a tree.  Seems then 7 year old Dennis LaVista saw a cat in the tree, in front of his Garden Apartment on 77th Avenue in Kew Garden Hills, Queens.  Dennis had seen this cat before.  It hung around his block but he noticed something else.  It wasn’t moving.  Dennis watched it for awhile and then ran and told his Mommy.

    Mommy came outside and they both watched the cat.  The cat didn’t move and they realized the cat was scared, frozen by fear and unable to move.  Mommy then went and dialed the Operator.  This is 1957, so there is no 911, 311 or any other designation for some need for city services.  You called the Operator and the Operator called the proper agency.  In this case, the Fire Department.

    Now the Borough of Queens in 1957 is not the Queens of today.  It was a lot more rural.  There were no tall buildings and the Borough still had some farms near it’s eastern border.  So the Fire Department didn’t have that much to do, so they sent out a Truck with a ladder and the Firemen got the frightened cat out of the tree.  The Long Island Press didn’t have that much to do either, so this was all dutifully reported in an article.  And the article ends with 7 year old Dennis LaVista asking.  “Mommy can we keep the cat?”

    Well Dennis LaVista goes to P.S. 164 and the next day, when he shows up in school, he’s a celebrity.  I guess we could all read back then but no one among all the all kids at P.S. 164 has ever known anyone who has been in the newspaper.  And as a hero, who saved a cat.  So everyone comes over to talk to Dennis about this and Dennis basks in the glow of celebrity.

    Dennis also happens to sit next to the future editor of NYUUGGEE, and as we are getting ready to leave that day, Dennis first checks to make sure that there’s no one else around but us and then he says.  “I never said that.  I knew we couldn’t keep the cat.  I didn’t even want to keep the cat.”

    Now you may be saying what’s the BFD?  It’s a cute little story on a slow news day and it gives the cute little story, a cute little ending.  But Dennis LaVista and the future editor of NYUUGGEE were  horrified, scarred for life maybe that Dennis was not only misquoted, but that a newspaper would just make up something, that was never said.

    So as the Late News Media enters it’s final decade, try to remember that Fake News is nothing new.  Fake News did not come about because of DJT 45th and 47th POTUS.  And Fake News did not come about when the Late News Media decided to play, It’s All That Guy’s Fault, sometime during President Bubba and W’s Administrations.  Fake News has always been with us and it will outlast the Late News Media, long after its passing.

    Just remember, as we always do, that 7 year old Dennis LaVista never asked.  “Mommy can we keep the cat?”

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  • Broke

    If you have had trouble logging on to the internet in the last week, it was Sydney Sweeny’s fault.  She broke it.  That is according to the Know It All’s and that’s Sydney pictured above breaking the internet.  Hey don’t complain to us.  We don’t make the news.  We just report it.

    And Don Lemon formerly of CNN said in an interview that now, he “can tell the truth”.  Does that sound familiar?  It seems to be the constant refrain of a whole lot of people who were whisked out of the What Once Was The Main Stream Media aka the WOWTMSM  and sent off to the cornfields.  Now you might wonder what were they all telling us before?  Our guess is, you already know.  Somewhere along the way, the so called Main Stream Media got broke.  They lost their way.  We don’t have the time or the space to list all the stories they made up, as opposed to the ones they just got wrong but its a long list.  Kind of like from New York to Miam or even L.A. if you play all the video.

    BTW we’re thinking of no longer calling it the What Once Was The Main Stream Media, aka the  WOWTMSM.  We’re thinking,  The Late Media.  And not late, as in being late, or staying out late.  No, we mean late, as in dead. 

    And the President of Iran Mashoud Pezeshkian, admitted that Iran’s economy is in deep doo doo and going broke!  Of course he’s not a President like a U.S. President or even the President of the Knights of Columbus, so whatever he says, doesn’t mean diddly squat.  But if that guy admits bleep, is broke, it’s broke for real.  Iran is not the internet and Pezeshkian, is not Sydney Sweeney.

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  • HisBubbaness R.I.P. ?

    Rumor has it that HisBubbaness’s health is failing and HerHillaryness is planning his funeral.  We kind of think HisBubbaness is planning it too.  Why would he be left out?  How could he be left out?  Well, we mean, other than being the belle of the ball.

    Is it only us or do you think that HisBubbaness has already sent DJT 45th and 47th POTUS the remarks he should make?  Do you think HisBubbaness has also written his own eulogy?  Will there be any great lines read at the service?  We mean will someone say something that people can remember HisBubbaness by?  Other than, you know what.

    That leads us to will Monica be at the funeral?  Of course she’ll be there, but will she sit somewhere inside, or will she be out in the street?  Will the WOWTMSM show images of her at the funeral?  Will other outlets?  We’re laying 4 to 5 on the former and taking no bets on the later.

    Get ready because this funeral will be on every outlet, in the same manner that the slow car chase with O.J. was.  If you don’t have streaming, or you haven’t saved your old DVD player, you won’t be able to watch anything else.  We think HerHillaryness will have a lot of hankies but no tears.  Monica on the other hand will have a lot of hankies and her tears will be there, for all to see.

    Will HerHillaryness write a book?  Yes!  Will Monica write a book?  Yes!  Will they both have the same title, My Life With Bill?

    Will Obama POTUS 44, and DJT POTUS 45 & 47 be laughing at HisBubbaness’s funeral, as they were at Jimmy Carter’s?  That’s them at the top of this column at Jimmy Carter’s funeral.  Let’s hope not.  And, let’s hope that rumors of HisBubbaness’s funeral planning, like initial reports of Mark Twain’s demise, are greatly exaggerated.

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  • Caprice Of Destiny

    Luigi Mangione who in case you forgot, shot and killed a United Health Care employee and shot him because the guy was a United Health Care employee. That Luigi Mangione, just let a whole lot of people down.  

    The shooting was captured on tape, so there was no doubt about what happened.  Just who was the shooter?  That got cleared up pretty quick, what with cameras everywhere and computerized everything.  Mangione was caught in a few days.

    But once he was captured, the WOWTMSM wet their pants, as Luigi Mangione was a really good looking guy.  Not since John Dillinger, did the WOWTMSM have such a killer.  And in turn, Mangione collected overnight, a legion of young, good looking women.  Or so says the WOWTMSM.  It could be a case with the WOWTMSM just making things up.  Nothing new there.  But then again, maybe they just don’t understand what a legion is, and six people might make up a legion in their minds.  It’s hard to tell, which is which here.

    And the WOWTMSM decided that this shooting, made it time, to discuss health care in America.

    So, the WOWMSM got themselves geared up for another Trial of the Century!  This time with the issue of health care in America, in the offing.  But alas, “the best laid scheme o’ mice an’ men / Gang aft agley.” as Mangione copped a plea.  No trial,  Boy, you could hear and feel the air rushing out of that balloon.  And now what would the legion of six do, except write love letters to and put money in the commissary of, one Luigi Mangione, in whatever prison he winds up in. 

    By the way, didn’t Obamacare solve the issue of Health Care in America?  What would the WOWTMSM talk about?  It costs too much?  Who’s fault is that?

    But no Trial of the Century for the WOWTMSM.  No breathless reporters standing in front of the Federal Court building in Foley Square, telling us all about the day’s actions in court, the blow by blow, the low down.  No, legal analysts saying over and over again, how all it takes is just one juror.  One juror who hates the Health Care System.  One juror and Mangione walks free, to be gobbled up by his legion of beautiful young legionettes, who would have grown to maybe two dozen.  Two legions maybe?  But no, no, Mangione said. that magic word.  “Guilty.”  So, it’s over.  

    Oh, what might have been!

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  • Don’t

    Yeah, yeah we know there is a war going on but it’s just blah, blah, blah everyday with whoever you happen to tune into saying the same old, same old.  Like they know what’s going on.  Now we’ve put our military hats on and we know what’s going on but we’ll wait till the smoke clears before we give our analysis.  

    And there are other things happening in this world.  Take those commercials that jump out of you whenever you’re watching something on Youtube and usually just when something got real interesting.  Sometimes right in the middle of a word. 

    Hey we’re not complaining.  We have to log onto a lot of sites and we just don’t want to pay the few bucks that will make the advertisements go away, so tough noogies on us.  But we can’t help but wonder which one of these dumb ass commercials are the worst.  We even have categories.

    The One That Can’t Possibly Be True.  There is this little box, designed by former NASA engineers that will cool any room in 90 seconds.  Any room?  You mean like St. Patrick’s Cathedral?  Cost?  19.99? 29.99?  Doesn’t matter you can buy a fan for less which is what this thing will turn out to be.

    Don’t Try This At Home.  A middle aged guy comes on and tells you.  ” Forget Viagra!  Don’t waste your money on those pills!  I’m going to tell you how to get rock hard for hours!  Just get some Vick’s Vapor Rub and…”  Not only don’t try this at home but hit the that skip button real fast.  Before you even think of it.

    It Won’t Work But It Can’t Hurt.  It’s a little drawing that shows a woman drinking a glass of water.  Then a nice soothing voice comes on and says.  “Drink a glass of warm water before you go to bed and your vision will improve overnight.”  And when that doesn’t work don’t worry, as there are commercials that will tell you how they got something to stop you from getting up to pee three and four times a night.

    Okay, okay there is a war going on and try not to get too stressed out.  Remember the terrorists have won.  The Russians are this fearsome military power, that will over run Ukraine in a few weeks.  Global warming which was later changed to Climate Change, will cause the seas to rise, and the Polar Ice Caps to melt by the year 2000.

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  • ‘That Which We Call A Rose’

    There has been some difficulty in the pronunciation of the first name of the new Ayatollah of Iran.  This is no small thing.  How would we all feel if people around the world consistently miss pronounced our President’s names like Barack or Dwight or Lyndon or Franklin Delano?  The problem seems to lie in the spelling of Mojtaba.  Is the J silent?  Is it pronounced J and how?  This isn’t English or Spanish.  

    We will need to write about him from time to time, so why don’t we just call him Mojito?  Mojito Khamenei.  Mojitos are fun.  Once we have a fun term everyone can use, we can avoid offending.  Something we try very hard to do, not offend, that is.  Oh yes Mojitos are a rum based drink that came from Cuba originally and they are quite tasty and depending on who makes them, can be quite potent.

    And yes there a other problems with Mojito Khamenei.  He might be in a coma.  He might have lost a leg.  He might need a lot of plastic surgery for his face.  But the biggest problem is, he might not be around too long.  Who will be next?

    And we hate to feel dumb.  But we don’t pretend to be experts, so well, we can be dumb.  But we don’t think anyone here, has ever heard of Kharg Island before.  Have you?  Seems that 90 percent of all of Iran’s oil goes through this heretofore never mentioned island but now on the lips of every expert, as it got bombed.  How come no one has mentioned it before?  We don’t mean Gamers who have been attacking this island for a few decades on their screens, but the Cognoscenti Of The Known World and the Talking Heads, especially the military experts among them.  Maybe dumb, is a thing that’s going around and we shouldn’t feel too bad about it.

    We get why the Secretary of War and our own Head of the Joint Chiefs wouldn’t mention it.  As why alert anyone to potential targets?

    And oh yeah how do you pronounce Kharg?  Sounds like “Car egg” maybe.  Maybe we should just call it Rose island.  That way we can link this article back to the title.

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    Title “That which we call a rose by any other name, would still smell as sweet.”  Juliet to Romeo.  William Shakespeare.

  • Do You Wonder…

    Does anyone else wonder about this label on certain hamburgers and steaks, that reads ‘Grass fed beef’?  We mean what else do cows do but eat grass all day.?  Are there Cows that eat something else?  Chicken maybe?  Seafood?  We don’t think so.  What’s the BFD with the “grass fed”?

    Does anyone wonder about these Tai Chi commercials.  They are all over the internet.  If you watch anything on Youtube you’ve seen them a hundred times.  There’s this guy and he’s like over 50 and he’s all trim and fit.  In fact, he’s ripped.  He has no fat anywhere.  We call him the No Fat On His Body Tai Chi Guy.  And he tells you don’t have to work out!  No stress, no strain just Tai Chi!  And you only have to do Tai Chi for 7 minutes a day!  Or sometimes there’s a woman like the wife or daughter of a guy asking.  “Can my Husband/Dad go from fat, to No Fat On His Body just like the No Fat On His Body Tai Chi Guy in just three weeks?” Then on comes the No Fat On His Body Tai Chi Guy and he says yes!

    Well we got a better solution than even doing Tai Chi for 7 minutes a day.  Just find the AI guy who made the video of the No Fat On His Body Tai Chi Guy and have him do an AI of you too.

    With six NFL teams at either 2 or 3 wins and 12 or 13 loses all vying for the coveted first pick in next season’s draft how many of you, like us, are wondering how much these teams really want to win their remaining games?  We don’t mean the players, some of whom will not even be back next season.  But like the coaches, the general managers, the owners and even the fans.  What’s another loss when you’ve already dumped 12 or 13 games?  Compare that to the number 1 pick.  It’s the difference between a lump of coal and sugar plum fairies dancing in your head.  

    We can see a lot of these teams going for it on 4th and long today.

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  • All Good Things…

    We can file this under all good things come to an end.  So, it’s goodbye to RHONY after 22 seasons.  That’s the Real Housewives of New York.  This show was a cultural phenomenon and a game changer.  It started off simple enough, a group of New York City Housewives and their daily lives.  But then the Housewives started screaming at each other and calling each other names.  Little wars broke out among the Housewives.  This led to the creation of a lot of other groups of Housewives in other cities all over America and even in cities of other countries.  All, of whom engaged in the same antics.  The cry of “You disrespected me?” echoed through the land along with “Can I trust you?” and “I can’t trust you!”.  

    Then the phenomenon took hold, as people in other venues began screaming at each other and calling each other names.  They got disrespected and wondered if they could trust anyone.  People on opinion shows that had heretofore simply stated their different views, now began to call each other names and not so nice ones either.  Then this spilled over into regular news shows and Podcasts which went uncensored and the name calling really got hot.  Last but not least to pick up on this, were the Politicians.  And modern political theater became a series of insults thrown left and right.  Then the American people began to wonder, if they were being disrespected?  And could they, trust anyone?

    You may be saying, it’s not all fault of the Housewives!  And I like those shows!  We’re not laying all the blame at their feet and people who took up the call are responsible for their actions.  But historians, anthropologists and sociologists of the future, will certainly see the Real Housewives of here, there and everywhere, as the focal point, of when everything, began to circle the drain.  And a whole lot of previously good things, began their descent into the crapper.

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  • Nice Work If You Can Get It

    Aaron Donald, Los Angeles Ram and three time NFL’s Defensive Player of the Year, has a Stalker.  She is Jenelle Anwar.  Usually the Stalker is a man and he’s obsessed with a woman but there are Stalkers who have been known to be female.  So that’s nothing new.  And celebrities have been known to have Stalkers of all kinds.  Some who break into their homes and some who even cause harm to them.  But Jenelle is a little different.  She wants a divorce.  Even though she’s never even been in the same room with Aaron Donald.  She filed papers in court and she wants $1,500 a month in alimony.  Nice work if you can get it and we guess you can get it if you try.*  That’s a riff off of a line from an old song.

    And Six time Jeopardy champion Andrew Hayes did not get final jeopardy in that sixth game but he was so far in front that the other two contestants couldn’t catch him.  He had 28,800 going into final Jeopardy and he bet 8,800 so he lost that 8,800 and only wound up with 20,000.  As opposed to 37,600 if he would have gotten final Jeopardy right or the 28,800 if he’d just bet nothing.  But leave it to Ken Jennings to put things in perspective when he said.  “Twenty thousand dollars for a half hours work, not too bad.”  Andrew lost in his 7th game but his six wins gave him $137,804.  Nice work if you can get it and you can get it if you try.

    Now the Enchanted Six pictured above, took to the skies in their Blue Origin capsule and landed to a chorus of boos.  Then came the memes making fun and the cruel jokes.  We won’t repeat them here as we don’t do nasty, even if it’s funny.  Well sometimes we do but we try not to.  Also people pointed out that the Blue Origin craft didn’t go up that high and it looked like a chance to take selfies more than a Space flight.  So they weren’t really Astronauts, as they claimed to be.

    In response to the negativity Gail King of the CBS morning show said she was like Alan Shepard.  Alan Shepard was the first American and only second man in Space.  He rode into Space on a first generation ballistic missile and it had a tendency to blow up during its tests.  Also Alan Shepard was a graduate of Annapolis, a veteran of WWII, a test pilot and one of the few men to walk on the moon.  So, she might want to re-think that one.  Also, Alan Shepard wore a helmet.  All Astronauts wear helmets.  The Enchanted Six did not wear helmets.  It would have ruined their hair, in the selfies.

    But don’t feel bad for Gayle King, she gets 12 million a year to read off a teleprompter, asks questions and talk about whatever.  And that is nice work if you can get it and you could never get that, no matter how hard you try.  Fugettaboutittitt!

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    * ‘Nice Work If You Can Get It’ by George and Ira Gershwin