Have you been worrying about climate change? You know the polar ice caps melting. The seas rising. The increase of hurricanes, tornados and other climate change related disasters that will bring about the end of it all? Well cheer up Bunky. There’s nothing to worry about. Says who? Says Bill Gates that’s who. And he was one of the biggest climate change guys going. Just short of Al Gore, we think. Now Bill Gates doesn’t say there is no climate change. Just that we or industry and science can handle it. So all that time you spent gnashing your teeth, well fuggettaaboutit!
And as the government goes into it’s second month of being shut down we have to ask one other question. What is the matter with these people?
And a Manhattan sized object out in there in outer space named 31/ATLAS turned blue and exhibited non-gravitational acceleration. So says Harvard astrophysicist Avi Loeb. Loeb also says this could be an indication of an alien craft engine. But this begs the question, will the aliens stop by? Probably not, as they never do. Why is that?
While this latest NBA betting scandal explodes, try to understand that sports and gambling go hand in hand. This is not to say situations like the current one with the NBA happen a lot and we’re not trying to spread conspiracy theories. And, this is not just about bettors who may or may not know anything about the games they bet on. This is just a little insight.
If you were or are an athlete of any kind, it was probably was the amateur kind. That means you weren’t doing it for a living. But it doesn’t mean, there wasn’t any gambling going on. Some leagues have an entry fee and the winning team or top teams get to divey up some of that money. But even if it was a league just for fun or you’re just playing with friends in a pick up game, it doesn’t mean you weren’t betting on anything. At the very least, you were betting on your skills. Every ballplayer in every game is doing that. Everyone wants to win and play well doing it. It’s why we all play. But what will happen and how you will perform in any game, is the great unknown.
You could be hitting a line drive on every batting practice pitch and then pop up or strike out in every at bat in the actual game. Or just the opposite. You could step up to the plate in the game and just hit line drive after line drive. Or you could walk out onto the basketball court and sink every practice shot and then proceed to shoot 2 for 10 in the game. Or just the keep hitting your shots in the game as you did in practice. You just never know. Of course you work on your skills. That’s what practice is for. And, if you’re playing well, you have a lot of confidence but then, you just never know. Everyone has a bad game. We don’t care who you are. So every game is… well, a gamble. So all athletes every where, are gamblers.
When we were young we would bet on ourselves. We’d bet the other team we could beat them and put up a $100 to prove it. That was a lot of money back then. And the money heightened the competition for us. Money heightens the competition for everyone, everywhere. That’s why they tell you what the winning share in every sport is. The Superbowl winner gets… World Series winner gets… The Masters Champion gets…
It was not uncommon in my old neighborhood for players to leave the field and wind up working for bookies. Or in one case, becoming a bookie. And, of course becoming bettors too, a whole lot of bettors. There are a whole lot of neighborhoods and a whole lot of bettors out there.
The athlete gets that big adrenaline rush from making a great play or winning the big game. The bettor gets that too, when they put their money down. No one should be too surprised that the bettor and the athlete, might be the same guy.
So as we said in the beginning, this is not to say that professional sports is riddled with gambling or create conspiracy theories. Just understand that gambling and sports go hand in hand. It’s the just the nature of the beast.
The Jimmy Kimmel show is back on the air! Does that sound like there is a but at the end of that sentence? Well there is. Jimmy’s ratings are in the toilet. While ABC might have forgiven him, it seems as if a whole lot of other people haven’t. If he’s canned again well, ABC will have to fill the slot withe something. So here are some great ideas from our staff.
1. ‘Do You Want To Be A Billionaire? An old retired CEO mentors a small group young men and women through the maze that is the Global Economy. Then he sends them on their pathway to billionaire’s Ville, Where they might live next door to Elon Musk . The old CEO plays both con man and Psychiatrist, as he counsels, advises and most of all gives encouragement to these young Lions. We’re going to call this show ‘Don’t Worry, I got fired too.
2. ‘I’ll Sue You’. Celebrities, Politician and other assorted Pezzonovante square off in court over some slight. Real or imagined. It will be like Judge Judy with a few alterations. One of which will be the payout is not confined to 10,000 dollars. And unlike The Judge Judy Show, you, not Judge Judy, will decide. Both litigants lay out their case and then just like Dancing With The Stars, you, the audience will weigh in. You decide who wins and how much, regardless of what the litigants are asking. And yes sports fans there are no limits. This will be a sister show to ‘Don’t Worry, I Got Fired Too!’ The litigants here might become Billionaires.
3. ‘What Causes Autism’. Doctors, Researchers, Moms and other assorted people who know nothing, give their opinions every week. Just like in real life. And, just like other Realty shows, once the season comes to a close, there will be final confrontations, cliffhangers and yes, disappointments.
The morning broke nice and clear, not a cloud in the sky. The temperature would remain in the 70’s with very little humidity. It would be a perfect Indian summer day. Teddy left at his usual time, got to the office at his usual time. Had his book out on his desk as none of the Managers would be in for a while. He had a nice big cup of coffee on his desk, when he heard it.
It was an explosion, loud and rumbling. Teddy could tell it was coming from the Trade Towers. His first thought was the terrorists were back. A small group of them had tried to bring down one of the Trade Towers by planting a car bomb in one of Tower’s parking lots a few years back.
It was almost comical as all they managed to do was blow a hole in the floor of the parking lot. It had no effect on the building. Teddy hadn’t even heard the explosion that time. He was in a different building not near the Trade Towers.
So, Teddy figured he’d wait to hear what was going on. But then phones started ringing. It was early 8:48, so there weren’t too many people there. But those who picked up were getting frantic phone calls from their families. Something about an airplane going into the Trade Towers.
Teddy decided to go downstairs and when he got there, he saw Rene in the front of the building with his arms spread wide and shocked look on his face.
Teddy asked. “What happened?”
Rene shook his head and said. “An airplane just crashed into the Trade Towers. I saw it.”
Teddy turned and looked up. He could see black smoke billowing out of the building. He figured somebody flying a small plane had just lost their way. Small planes were not allowed to fly over Manhattan. Probably not terrorists after all.
As the smoke kept billowing out, Teddy wondered why hadn’t the sprinklers turned on? Why was it still burning?
Teddy went back upstairs. The phones were ringing off the hooks. Teddy’s phone wasn’t so he dialed his home number. There was no answer. But then she would be on her way right now. He tried her cell phone, but it didn’t connect. That was the bad thing with those phones. They didn’t always have service.
Teddy knew he could get a better look if he went to the big conference room on their floor as he would be higher up. Not quite on par with the Towers but high up enough that you could clearly see the buildings.
When he got there the windows were already ringed with other employees none of whom could believe what they were seeing. It wasn’t just the black smoke but the amount of it. This was a roaring fire. Teddy knew by the extent of it that the sprinklers just weren’t going to have much effect.
Then everyone by the windows gasped. Teddy didn’t see it at first but then he saw a man, falling or jumping out of the building. Teddy tried to tell himself it was furniture, but the man’s arms and legs were flailing in the air. Teddy could see him falling, falling, failing till he was out of sight. Teddy turned his head away as he began to see other people jumping or being blown out of the building. And Teddy knew instinctively that he would see that man falling, for the rest of his life.
Then someone to Teddy’s left screamed. Teddy turned and saw it. It was big and moving fast. It turned slightly and the way the sun hit it, it looked all black with wings and Teddy thought it was a huge, guided missile. as it flew right into the south Tower. There was a huge, massive black and red cloud that was expanding and coming right for their windows.
Teddy had a moment of sheer terror, and he yelled. “Get away from the windows!” But then the black and red cloud stopped expanding and began receding quickly. In the next moment Teddy turned into a block of ice. He felt nothing. He didn’t even hear the explosion. If anyone had asked him what had just happened, he would have said a guided missile went into the south Trade Tower and it didn’t make a sound.
Teddy hadn’t realized Nick was in the room. He must have just gotten to the office, but he saw him run right by. Nick’s wife worked in that building, the south Tower.
Teddy went back to his phone and dialed both numbers again, no answer. Teddy knew he should be anxious, scared out of his mind with worry over Livi. He realized he probably was, but he felt nothing. He was numb.
Teddy walked over to Fulton Street and waited between the two exits Livi would come out of after she took the 4 or 5 train.
Across the street he could see Nick at the foot of City Hall Park with his cell phone in hand. He was texting furiously.
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Teddy sat back at his desk. He could go back to his book about the Japanese bombing Pearl Harbor. It was quite an interesting take on the attack. All his life Teddy had read history books or watched documentaries that told how it was this great victory for the Japanese and this horrible defeat for America. But this guy’s take showed how the Japanese had sunk 4 Battleships, one Mine Sweeper and damaged another 12. The ships that hadn’t been sunk were all repaired and back out to sea in a manner of weeks. The Aircraft Carriers that they needed to cripple weren’t even there. They were all out to sea. So, the whole attack was an unmitigated disaster for Japan. Which was kind of astonishing to Teddy Green.
The other fact that hardly got any mention in the other books he’d read was why December 7th? Why not November or even January 1942? The American embargo on their oil, meant that Japan was going to run out of oil by the end of 1941. Their whole modern industrialized economy was going to come screeching to a halt. They were about to go dead broke.
He thought about that for a moment. It was all about the oil or the lack thereof. Or the wealth that the oil let their economy, and everyone else’s economy produce. He wondered for a moment if all wars weren’t fought over that. Not oil but what it let a country produce, its wealth. Had all wars been fought over that, wealth? If the British hadn’t tried to collect taxes would the Colonies have ever started The Revolution? And if some guy had figured out a cheaper way to pick cotton and tobacco than using slaves, would there have been The Civil War?
Food for thought but then he was just a clerk in a Housing Agency, and he hadn’t even been a history major. No, his Major had been English. So, what did he know?
There was only one other thing to do. He opened his lower drawer and took out the instant coffee and the powdered creamer. He didn’t want coffee and if he did, he would go downstairs to the coffee stand, not drink this crappy concoction. He had no idea of drinking it, so he just spooned in enough of the coffee and the creamer to make a half a cup.
No, he’d make a coffee because there was only one water fountain on this floor that had a hot waterspout. So, he made his way over to it. It was on the east side of the building where the offices looked out on the beautiful span of the Brooklyn Bridge. In fact, this row was so good that their Assistant Commissioner had her office at the far corner of that row. The closer you were to the Assistant Commissioner’s office indicated how important you were to this Division.
The hot waterspout was diagonally across from one particular office that was seven offices away from the Commissioner. But its nearness to the Assistant Commissioner’s office didn’t matter to Teddy Green. What was important about this office was that its occupant was the very beautiful, no more than beautiful, the stunning Marie Livette Henri. She was five foot eight inches tall, and she weighed 130 pounds, and she had curves in all the right places. She had the most beautiful coffee, colored skin tone anyone could ever wish for. Even though she was forty-eight years old, she still hardly even needed any makeup. Her hair was naturally just slightly curly, light brown and hung down to her shoulders. She was Haitian so she was always impeccably dressed. And, she had that slight French accent which also got men all steamed up. And, if Teddy could just catch a glimpse of her, it would make his last hour livable.
Of course, he did not want her to catch him gawking. That was not a good idea. So, he kept his head down as he let the hot water run into his cup. Her door was open, and he just gave a quick look, a glance, a peek really. He could see some guy go rushing in the door like he had something important to talk to her about. But Teddy knew better. Men were always doing that. Going into her office over one pretense or another. Like Honeybees drawn to a beautiful flower, hoping. When a man was foolish to actually ask her to go to lunch, she would just hold up her left hand with the wedding ring on it.
But then the men wouldn’t really mind when she said no. They just wanted to be in the presence of a beautiful, stunning, impeccably dressed woman. Even though they got shot down, they went out more intoxicated than when they went in. It was the Honeybees and the flower thing. Teddy couldn’t blame them he’d done the same thing himself.
Of course, Teddy knew she wasn’t married. She’d been divorced for years. She only kept the ring on so she could turn men down gently.
But he did catch a glimpse of her. The side of her head, the curve of her neck and her light brown hair falling gently on her shoulders.
When Teddy got back to his desk, he sighed as he sat down. The only difference between him and the other Honeybees was that at a little before four o’clock, just when he was getting ready to leave, the phone on his desk would ring. He’d pick it up and on the other end would be the slight French accent and the voice of the beautiful, stunning Maire Livette Henri. Then they would figure out if they were going to get some kind of takeout or if one of them, usually him because he would be home first, was going to cook something for dinner.
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“And when Jesus had gone forth into the way, one came running and kneeled and asked him. “Good teacher what must I do to inherit eternal life?”
Mark 10:17
Chapter 1 The Unit
Teddy Green leaned back in his chair and watched Zvi Mordeci or Zvi the Avenger as Teddy had named him and thought that today, could be the day. The day that Zvi the Avenger, just lost his nut.
Most people in their unit thought The Professor might lose it first but then Teddy had inside knowledge and knew that The Professor already had a meltdown. The Professor was medicated now. No, Teddy had his money on Zvi.
Zvi had dark, curly, red hair that was receding in a prominent widow’s peak. It was the kind of hair that was hard to comb so Zvi just kept it slicked back and not too long. Zvi also had a pencil thin mustache and very fair skin. The kind of skin that would sunburn easily. Teddy figured Zvi was about five feet ten inches tall but that was hard to be sure because Zvi was always leaning over forward, almost like a crouch. It seemed to help Zvi when he walked because he always walked as quick as he could and then the crouch resembled a sprinter in motion. But Zvi stayed that way in that crouch, even when standing still. In the little over a year that Teddy knew him, he might have seen Zvi stand up straight maybe five or six times. So, Zvi’s actual height was just an estimate.
One thing that wasn’t an estimate was the thing that made him, Zvi the Avenger, and that was the object of Zvi’s seething rage. And, that object was the woman who had been his wife. Her name, Zvi never mentioned. She was just that woman who was designated with a string of curses that either started with “bitch” or a string of curses that ended with “bitch”.
And, as Zvi would announce with one finger pointed to the sky. “The day would come…” What day and when, another mystery. As Zvi would stop right there nodding his head up and down and then a little smile would spread across his lips, turning his mustache up into an almost comical curve. No, it was more rueful, no, rueful and comical.
What had she done? This modern-day Jezebel? Well, they all found that out on their first day together nine months ago. Of course, Zvi did not mention her when they first met that morning because the meeting of their little group was headed up by their Director Michael McMullen a tall, thin man with a slight paunch that came from sitting behind a desk for years. His once blond hair was almost all gray now. But he still carried an air of authority about him as he had supervised programs and people for most of his adult life. Teddy had known him or of him since he had first started working for the Agency. And Teddy knew McMullen’s problems, but he still liked him. Teddy liked him because despite his problems, McMullen was always a Professional. Also, present was their Deputy Director Arthur White Aka the Professor, so Zvi knew better.
That first meeting was held in the big conference room with the big windows, that looked out onto City Hall Park, and you could see the World Trade Towers clear across that park. The funny thing Teddy always thought was he would see the Towers whenever he walked out of the front of the building, and they loomed over everything around them. They were about a quarter a mile away and yet they would just sit there looking somehow, close. So close, it seemed as if he could just reach out his hand and touch them.
But somebody must have had big plans for their little group or more likely there just wasn’t anyone needing the big conference room that morning. They were handed different pamphlets on Accounting and Auditing. Michael McMullen talked quite a bit about how important an Audit was. Then how, there were going to be training sessions for the next two weeks conducted by an Accountant/Auditor from Price Walters and Jones.
After lunch they found the large conference room was in use and their Director Michael McMullen was in a meeting. The Deputy Director Arthur White told them to meet in the smaller conference room near their new desks as if he would be in there soon. But then Arthur White soon to become The Professor never showed up. So, there were no authority figures just Teddy Green, Mimi Hersch, Nicholas Tafaro and Zvi Mordeci about to become Zvi the Avenger. And there wasn’t even a table there that day for some reason. So, they were just sitting in a circle, almost like it was group therapy or some Kumbaya meeting when Zvi cleared his throat and, said.
“She…”
And Teddy swore he had that rueful comical smile on his face or was that something that was in his memory now because he had seen it so many times since. But Zvi started off calling her She. She was not the bitch as yet. That would come later.
So, Zvi started with “She…” and then he went into his tale of woe. Since Zvi was an Accountant Teddy liked to think of this tale as an addendum to the Canterbury Tales. This one, The Accountant’s Tale. But Zvi started off slow, his voice almost in a whisper at how he had come home after work like he did every day. How he put his key in their apartment door that opened into the living room and then when he opened that door, the living room was completely empty. Everything was just gone. All the living room furniture, the pictures and paintings on the walls, the drapes, the carpet, just all gone. Even the wood parquet floors were mopped and spotlessly clean.
For a brief, moment Zvi thought he’d walked into an empty apartment. That was not unreasonable because his parents owned the building, and he was also the Handyman, the Porter and the Renting Agent for the building. So, he could have the keys to a vacant apartment. He even looked at his key ring, and it said 4C. But he still couldn’t believe it, so he went to the front door and checked. The door said 4C. He lived in 4C. Then he wandered through the empty apartment, the kitchen, the two bedrooms and the bathroom, nothing, not even any dust on the floor. It was as if some evil force had swept through his life leaving nothing in its wake. It was all swept clean. She had left and taken everything, everything.
The only thing he could find was a note tapped on the bathroom mirror. He did not tell them what was on the note. No one dared ask as Zvi was upset enough, and everyone figured it was just some kind of goodbye.
Then Zvi put his head down and just shook it. He looked as if he might even be crying. Everyone just felt terrible for him. Mimi even reached over and patted his shoulder. No one knew what to say.
They all felt really, bad for him and that lasted two days. Till Mimi got the rest of the story from someone who knew Zvi from his neighborhood. And Mimi had found out that incident had happened just the way Zvi had told it, but it had happened fifteen years ago. The wife had remarried and had a son who was about to have his Bar Mitzvah.
Of course, the first day Zvi had not spoken of revenge that would come later in his many retellings of the tale. She or the “bitch” as she would become had not only taken everything, but she’d maligned him, belittled him ruined his good name and reputation.
Mimi explained that too. Zvi and his wife came from some small Orthodox Sect in Brooklyn, and his wife needed a religious divorce. Something that couldn’t be obtained without some claim of adultery or some other old, classic reason for the dissolution of a marriage. So, the wife had made those claims. And, they had only been married for a year which as Mimi pointed out wasn’t much in the marriage department. In fact, it was just a little more than going steady. Mimi had also found out what was on the note. Just one word.
‘Whoremaster.’
Then Mimi added.
“Okay I get it what she did was nasty. I could see him being upset for a couple of years. I’ll even give him two years, maybe four max but fifteen? Time to get over it. Time to move on.”
Mimi had said that when it was just Teddy, Nick and herself having lunch in their conference room that now had a table, and they had all laughed. And Mimi had also discovered one other thing about the bitch, her name. It was Miriam. And, that kind of took the edge off the stream of adjectives that ended or began with “bitch”. Because Miriam, well everyone had an aunt or a neighbor named Miriam and most probably, no one ever met a woman named Jezebel or “bitch”.
Of course, he was still not Zvi the Avenger that came a few weeks later after another retelling of The Accountant’s Tale. It was just Teddy, Nick and Zvi this time. It was Teddy and Nick because they were checking on a company, and they had gone to this aluminum bookcase that had all the phone books in it and that bookcase was twenty feet behind Zvi’s desk.
Zvi took the opportunity to go into another rendition of The Accountant’s Tale. While Zvi did talk about other things, like work and the building his parents owned, he could just jump into The Accountant’s Tale at the slightest provocation. This time had to have been the two dozenth rendition of The Account’s Tale. Zvi had also expanded the inequity of it all to include the things she did in the marriage. Like when she decided no more sex. What was he supposed to do? Then there were the lies, the slander, the defamation of his character. And then of course, “The day would come…” And, then Zvi broke into that rueful, comic smile with his hand pointing towards the heavens.
Teddy couldn’t help it he had always been a wise guy who usually had something smart to say. So, he just couldn’t help but ask.
“Hey Zvi when you were married did you like maybe do something wrong? Like maybe just one thing, one little thing.”
At which point Zvi turned purple with rage. He stood up, went over to the bookcase, raised his hand over his head and then making a fist, he slammed that fist, down onto the bookcase. The blow made a loud thud as the metal bent under the blow, leaving a two-inch dent in the top of the bookcase. Then Zvi exclaimed.
“I am not an Adulterer! I am not a Whoremaster!”
Then Zvi grabbed his hat off his desk and ran out of the building.
Both Teddy and Nick were so shocked they ran into Mimi’s office, shut the door and told her what happened. There was a moment when they were all shocked and genuinely frightened. Then Nick decided to show Mimi, and he stood up, shaking his head up and down trying to show how angry Zvi had been. Then Nick raised his hand above his head, made the fist just like Zvi had and then brought it down on the table. But he wasn’t going to hurt himself, so he slowed it down and just let it land on the table without any force. But then he let his body bounce up and down conveying the force of the blow. Then Nick announced in a harsh, emphatic whisper that gave the impression of a yell.
“I am not an Adulterer. I am not a Whoremaster.”
Then all three of them started laughing hysterically. Maybe it was the term Whoremaster as they all knew that was on the note. Maybe it was just from the stress of having to listen to Zvi over and over again. But for the next ten minutes they were just laughing helplessly.
Of course, they all knew that Zvi wasn’t going to actually do anything. He hadn’t done anything but harangue other people for fifteen years. It was all just bluster from some middle-aged Accountant.
But Teddy began to think at that point that a man with that much rage all bottled up in himself might just have a real meltdown. That’s when Teddy gave him the title, Zvi the Avenger.
Then they all laughed some more.
And today just might be the day because Teddy could see Zvi’s mouth moving, his head nodding and his hands making gestures to an unseen God. A God Teddy realized, who for the last sixteen years, just wasn’t listening.
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There is the old public service announcement. ‘Don’t Drink And Drive’. You would usually see this on your TV around 3AM. And you were still up at that hour watching TV because you were drunk. Usually this was already after you got home, so it was a little late for the advice. Now there is the newer public service announcement. ‘Buzzed Driving Is Drunk Driving’. Hopefully people see this before it’s 3AM. But it seems we need a new one and it doesn’t matter if it’s 3AM or even if your drunk or not. It’s ‘Don’t Drive Your Boat With Drugs In It’.
We’re not talking a few joints here and there. We’re talking Kilos. Maybe the public service announcement should say. ‘Don’t Drive Your Boat With Kilos In It’.
And J. Edgar Comey has been indicted on two counts based on lies he told to Congress. This has to be a first. No FBI Director has ever been indicted although maybe a few of them should have been, starting with J. Edgar Hoover himself. Will Comey get convicted, don’t bet on it. If convicted will he do time? Fuggettaaboutit! But the public service announcement should be. “Don’t lie to Congress. Remember you’re under oath.”
Of course some may wonder about all the other people who lied to Congress. You might say what about them? And we’d like to give you a list of them too but there’s not enough space here or in too many other places either.
And for those of you who regularly go to the gym, we’re sure you’ve seen this. Someone usually a Gen Y or Gen Z is sitting on one of the weight machines as pictured above. They are in between reps and they are texting on their phone while others wait to use the machine. We think the Public Service announcement should be. ‘These machines are not phone booths.’.
This Public Service Announcement might not work as puzzled Gen Y and Z’s might ask what’s a phone booth?
62 year old Celebrity Chef Valentino Lucin robbed three banks in one day! Thus breaking the Dalton Gang’s record of two banks in one day. But better than the Daltons’ back in Coffeyville Kansas in 1892, the 62 year old Chef did not get all shot up. He even got to hold onto the money for a while, till the Police tracked him down. Why would he do this? Well his big restaurant went bust, he went chapter 11 and then he couldn’t make the payments. What do you do when you need a mortgage or a loan? You go to a bank because that’s where the money is. What if you’ve gone bankrupt and your credit score is like 399? You got no credit. You can’t borrow. So now you know why the 62 year old Celebrity Chef, robbed the three banks. He needed the money.
Just in case you’re wondering what happened to the Daltons, well two of the brothers along with two of their cohorts were killed at the scene. The last Dalton, Emmett got all shot up too. But he survived his wounds, did his time and went on to be a early day Hollyweird Screenwriter. Hooray for Hollyweird!
And a Florida Nurse Alexis Von Yates was sentenced to two years in prison for having sex with her 15 year old stepson. She and her stepson were watching a horror movie and they got scared. Next thing they knew they were clutching each other. Von Yates then explained to her stepson that she hadn’t had sex in two weeks and she was horny. She also thought her husband who was at work wouldn’t be back till morning. But the husband came home early and caught them in flagrante delicto. The boy ran out of the room with his pants around his ankles. Von Yates tried to cover herself but the deed was done. She knew it was wrong, so she took the plea deal and got the two years.
Now you may ask why would someone do something like this? It’s beyond stupid. The kid is 15 how is he going to keep his mouth shut? Not to mention that by any standard, it’s immoral, illegal, incestuous, unconscionable. So why? Why? But then Von Yates explained it best. She was needy.
Now we save prayer for really serious things but this is starting to get real serious and fast. As we head into the NFL’s third week, both the New York Giants and the New York Jets are 0 and 2. The Giants are facing the Chiefs who are also 0 and 2. The odds of the Chiefs going 0 and 3 are not good. The Jets are facing the Buccaneers and the Buccaneers are 2 and 0. That’s not good either. So like we said maybe praying is a little too strong. Maybe hopes or well wishes? No, 0 and 3 is too ugly to bear. Let’s us pray. Like it says at the top here. This is about the needy.
It was the New York Post that informed us that Katie Holmes, she used to be married to Tom Cruise btw, had chowed down on six chicken nuggets covered with caviar. That cost her $100, a whole Benjamin! And she did this at the U.S. Open. And, we thought, aren’t we glad we read this. That’s why she’s pictured above. We figured you’d like it too.
And Robert Mueller, the guy who was in charge of the Russia, Russia, Russia investigation has Parkinson’s Disease. This is news to who? Anyone who remembers him mumbling through his appearance before Congress when he was explaining his report, knew this one. Okay, okay maybe not the Parkinson’s Diagnosis. But the fact that the guy’s brain wasn’t working, was kind of hard to miss. Come to think of it maybe there was something to this Russia, Russia, Russia thing back 2016. It just got lost somewhere.
Then there is Charlie Sheen. He of the Tiger Blood, crack cocaine, King of the escorts and porn stars. The guy on ‘Two and A Half Men’ who bedded a never ending bevy of beautiful women. And no one thought that role was much of a stretch for him. Well now he has a new memoir, The Book Of Sheen. In this memoir, Charlie tells how when he was on the crack pipe, he had sex with men. Does that shock anybody? Is anyone surprised? And the big question, will this hurt his career? We mean as an escort maven. Not as an actor or a crack pipe aficionado. Only time will tell.
Travis Kelce and Taylor Swift are engaged! Or should we say Taylor Swift and Travis Kelce are engaged! We’re not sure who gets top billing. And they said it wouldn’t last. Actually we said it too but we’ve already established in previous articles that we, can be wrong. We stand in contrast to all the rest of the players in the Journalism Matrix. So, it’s no big deal.
And we wish Travis and Taylor all the best. Just a piece of advice though, don’t become T&T or Swift-Kel or some other combination of your names. That’s a recipe for disaster. Just ask Brangelina or J-rod.
And Cracker Barrel decided to change its famous Logo. They decided to take the old guy Uncle Herschel and the Barrels off. Why? “Who knows what evil lurks in the hearts of men?” The taking of Uncle Herschel off, was obviously ageism. But the Barrels? Kind of not too bright if the name of your Restaurant is Cracker Barrel. Well their customers and fans revolted. Worse than that their stock dropped like a rock. Then came the kiss of death. Donald John Trump 45th & 47th POTUS said they should make a U turn and bring back the Barrels and Uncle Herschel. Faster than you could say Uncle Herschel, the U-turn was made and the old Logo was back. Some things are just made to last.
Reacting to the fact that crime in D.C. has dropped precipitously while Chicago seems mired in a never ending crime wave, Chicago Mayor Brandon Johnson proclaimed. “We cannot incarcerate our way out of violence.” That sounds like a campaign slogan, if we ever heard one. Let’s see how long he lasts with that one.
Then there are the Colorado Rockies in the National League West Division. They are 38 and 96. That is 38 wins and 96 losses. They are 39 games behind the Division leading Dodgers. They are 28.5 games behind the next worse team in their division the Diamondbacks. As they only have 28 games left in their season, they have no chance of ever catching those Diamondbacks. And, that is what we call, coming in last.
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* Walter B. Gibson, from the radio show The Shadow
NYHUUGGEE! 